How do I deal with a break-up after 4 years?

I just broke up with my girlfriend of over 4 years. Just fyi, I'm 23 and she is 20. We tried to end it with dignity, but it was not at all my decision. At first when I found out she wasn't happy, she was telling me a few things such as she thought I was irresponsible, or that I do things to make her mad on purpose. I didn't really believe that these were the reasons she wanted to end our relationship. They just didn't sound like a good reason to end everything. Well she started to tell me that she just wasn't happy anymore and that nothing makes her happy anymore and she doesn't know what she's doing now. She seems to be confused about the person she is or something to that effect. I know the right thing to do is to just let her go and do her soulsearching or whatever, but it just hurts so bad. How do you deal with this kind of loss. You've spent all your waking moments with this person. They are the most important person in your life, but now I've lost the thing I care most about.How do I deal with a break-up after 4 years?
man............ she is so unlucky to miss this sort of love and lover.may be that's what you call fate.truly understanding how you feel i can jus say one thing.TIME HEALS EVERYTHING. or may be take it this way god has a better person in store for you.find out if she still has da slightest love for you .if so try renewing and restrengthening your love.if not dont waste your life 4 someone who doesn't care n understand your love.life is short.enjoyit.forget her but not the memories of your good times.in your next relation ship be careful and avoid the supposed errors you made this time.good luck.How do I deal with a break-up after 4 years?
You have to respect her decision and go on with your life. It's going to be hard and it's going to hurt, but it will get easier as time goes on. Just spend as much time as you can with friends and family then dust yourself off and start going out with other girls.
You know what, I think you are in love with her and you simply want to respect her feelings. 4yrs is enough for you to study your girl, I'd advise you take time and find out what her problem is and mend fences with her. If you are the cause, then do the right. Otherwise, look elsewhere.
god man, you sound like me a year ago....every word you said...its too messy I can't even go there... I would hate that you waste your time moping around and hoping and getting depressed... first thing you should do is feel better about yourself.... yknow, like work out, be more active, talk with other people, try to choose to feel happy... think of what's left and love it and nurture it, like your family....and do things you can be proud of, and be a complete person, the person you always wished you could be... this is the time to be that... and after accomplishing that, you can go back dating...lol there is so much i could tell you..
I hear you my brother and I could totally relate. You need to realize that both of you are young and both are immature in your decision making process because hey your 23 and she's 20. I know when I was that age I was not ready to be in a long term relationship and 4 years is a realllllly long time. At that point you should know if this relationship is for real. You will know if she is willing to work things out. Unfortunately, she is unhappy and would like to move on (which I think its for the better). I had a relationship that lasted almost 5 years and I broke things up because I knew I didnt make her happy anymore....as much as it tore me up inside I knew that I had to let her go. I stopped talking to her for a long time and I knew that she was dating other people and I was doing the same. After a long period we kept in contact but it was never the same. We talk now every blue moon just to keep in touch and see how everything is going but I'm now with someone else and so is she. She seems happy and I could live with that. If both of you end up getting back together after some time then it was meant to be, but seriously dont push it. Good luck.
Your girlfriend seems like she is going through the same


feelings that I once did. Questioning about life, wondering about the latter, and ';soul searching';, as you state it is something I had to do a while back in order to realize what I was really looking for in my life. That realization that I was discontent at where I was in my own personal life is what basically made me sacrifice the man that I loved. Even though he was the one who brought me stableness and structure, ironically, was also the man that made me question the life I had, where I was heading and how I would be if one day he left me. Once those thoughts entered through my mind.. everything else became a matter of questions, answers and nonstop analyzing for me. It was a period of time I had of internal struggling with my independence and basically who I was as a person, and it was very hard to try and find the answers to these questions, especially when I had something so precious I was clinging onto, preventing me from exploring the outside of my boundary lines. It made me utterly confused and not knowing what to do for a long time. Like you, I too was in a 4 year relationship. He was 9 years older than me and at that time, I was very young. It was hard to let him go, even when I was the one to initiate the breakup. Because we were in a relationship for so long.. small matters such as trust and jealousy wasn't the issue for us. We basically had a strong bond and familiarity that we both took comfort in, knowing that society could not steal us away from one another. Because of this comfort, I was able to concentrate on things that were at that time important to me, all the while knowing I had someone there to support me through it. Eventually, over time, built on top of that period of peace, I began to see things in a different light that made me question exactly where I was heading down the road, especially in such a serious relationship.





Your ex must be feeling the same way, and I'm glad that you've realized the right thing to do is to give her some time. She is only 20 and no matter the maturity of her personality, she is still young---no longer a girl, but not yet a woman. You might be content at where you're at right now, but for her, I believe she is confused and searching answers to something much more complicated than what you see. It's a sort of spiritual search that people have, similar to the ones that make people question the existent of God, or the structure of science. Some people live life searching for that one right person to spend eternity with, while others have found that feeling of love and now want to experience more. For your ex, she must have found that love and is now questioning her place in the world and who she is. Because she is only 20, I assume you two have dated when she was around 16. You are probably her first love. This feeling of growing up and not having the chance to experience much (for example, more serious relationships, or perhaps things that she could not do independently-- college, move away? -- because she was tied down to you) and not knowing whether or not you're the right man for her can also be a contribution to her confusion and decisions. This is the type of loss where you can't be selfish but to only be understanding. I am sure you've impacted her life greatly and that she will always love you deep down. Especially since you two departed in such a way. Just give her time and she will appreciate you for this understanding, as a friend or a lover. Perhaps then she'll realize what an ideal relationship she had and how you truly love her like she loves you. After this reassurance, she might just wind up back with you again. But remember, sometimes love is sacrifice. I know it is hard but you can't force her to be with you once you know that she is not ready for a relationship (in your case, not any more). You should deal with this breakup by taking the opportunity to go explore and like her, find yourself as an independent man.





Be strong and from the depths of my heart.. I truly wish you the best of luck with your break up. I know the pain and how helpless you must feel right now in order to seek comfort from here. Please remember that we all go through these once in a life time heartbreaks and that no matter what.. life will still go on. The world is still revolving and so is everything else breathing on it. You will eventually move on.. no matter how unconvincing that sounds to you right now.