How Do I Help my Children Deal With Our Break Up?

We had a Particularly Volatile relationship, buy the end of it he was trying to brake into my house- which my youngest boy - 4 - witnessed.





He has a heart of gold as a father but has no clue how to deal with the world and i am not prepared to sit around while he promises to change.





My youngest is only 2- and seems to be almost unaware of the situation,


My eldest is 4 and as a result he is really acting up. I don't want to be any softer on him than normal Bcoz He finds it hard to deal with change and his dad not being around and starting school is a lot of change. I want to appear constant with him.





I am terrified of raising them alone - we have not lived with their dad for years -he was never around anyway - but now its official is scary.





so how do i help the boys to deal with this but remain constant so as not to upset them anymore?How Do I Help my Children Deal With Our Break Up?
Be honest but only as is suitable for the age of the child, assure them constantly that both you and your father love them and will always do so and will always be there for them. Obviously the two year old is not old enough to understand a lot and will accept the changes as the norm.





Get a third party involved a mediation or if necessary the courts to sort out the custody and visitation rights of their father and stick to them so the children have as much consistency as possible. Never allow your anger or bitterness show in front of the children, critisism of him will damage their self esteem.





It seems to me that you probably understand all of this and will do your best to minimise the impact on your children but you do need to make your home safe for them and yourself. So it might be necessary for you to get some sort of restraining order against their father coming to the house until he comes to terms with the situation and realises the damage he is causing by being violent or aggressive in front of them and ceases to do so.





You say he is a loving father so use this to make him realise that while your relationship is over you know he is a great father and you will always want him to be as much a part of the childrens lives as before and involved as much as possible in the children's care and upbringing.





Don't be scared you have obviously managed on your own and if you and their father can sort out a good agreement of shared parenting you will probably find it a lot easier than the way things are now.





Good luckHow Do I Help my Children Deal With Our Break Up?
You already know the answer - remain constant. This is the most important thing. That along with reminding them that you love them and you aren't going anywhere is very important. Make sure you don't let either of them ';get away'; with more because you feel bad for them, they are also at the age where they want to test their boundaries and see where they can get, it is important to be consistent with that as well. Im sorry, stay strong!





charleyc13 - that was unthoughtful, rude and inconciderate.
well...


1. don't marry someone unless you completely love them and there is no chance you'll break up because you want to be with each other forever. (or if you were stupid enough to have a child out of wedlock then you brought it on yourself)


2. they shouldn't have to deal with it


3. did you even think how this would affect them before you got divorced
fill them up with sweets
Luckily they're both so young and if he's hardly around anyway, they may not notice too much difference. Children find it so much easier to adapt to this sort of situation, they'll probably find it easier than you'll expect.





Of course there'll be some difficulties to start with, but you've just got to be there for them both, especially the eldest who has more concept with what's happening. Starting school can be difficult for children, just help him through the daily trivia, he'll soon perk up.





Befriend other parents in the playground, it should help your children settle in and make friends easier themselves if you're doing it too.





If you've been doing this yourself mainly anyway, you've nothing to be scared about. I'm sure you're a great parent, just keep doing everything the same as you already was. ^^