HOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAK UP...LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?

i am so confused! i was dating this one guy for 2 years. i thought everything was perfect. (it was a long distance relationship). he would come visit me every 2 months or so. we would argue about stupid **** but we would always get over it. We would always communicate. After all, communication is the key in a relationship right? we def had that. well at at least i thought we did!


one week he went to california with his fam for his sisters engagement...and he comes back from cali and calls me and tells me he cheated on me with his sisters friend. he told me he kissed her in the club while they were dancing. i asked him one question...if he held her neck while he kissed her...he said yes! now thats intimate! god that reallly hurt! i didnt know what to say. i was speechless. i never thought he would cheat on me because the week before i went to go see him...and if he had any doubts...why didnt he tell me? Its so lame!@


i asked him why he cheated. and he said he doesnt wana use alcohol as an excuse but he thinks he cheated bc he didnt see a future with me bc of the fact im still in school and that hes not getting any younger. then i think to myself...wow...he knew there was a4year age difference btwn us...like what was he thinking gettin into a long distance relationship..wasting my ******* time! i gave this guy 2 years of my life..and yah he was my first real bf. He even told his FAMILY about me and I told my family too! everyone thought we were gona get married after I was done with school. Even he would tell me that. ah look at me! its just so hard to get over him. i heard from a friend whose actually related to my ex that he thinks he has moved on cuz everytime he sees him..hes always texting....but he could be wrong.


i texted my ex today...and i asked him if maybe we can talk...cuz i wanted to confront him about it. he wrote back saying he doesnt think thats a good idea bc he thinks we still need space. my god! how much space does he need? we both live in 2 diff states. i know many of you will say...long distances never work! but i really thought...if u wana make a relationship work..u can really make it work. he even got me a laptop before I visited him! he said its for school purposes.i know he really cared about me. He just wanted me to get my school **** done. But I find it so odd that he had to cheat on me to realize all this!


Ohhh and when he first told me he cheated on me鈥e said he wanted to take a BREAK鈥ow weird is that? He cheated on me鈥m the one that鈥檚 suppose to say I need a break! And we took a break for 3 weeks鈥ut during that break鈥e would text eachother and he would FLIRT with me! It was so weird! I felt like we were talking like how we were talking when we first started going out. Then after 3 weeks he called me and told me he wanted a 2nd chance. So I gave him a 2nd chance. And he told me he would make it up to me and get his TRUST back. But that whole week I felt our relationship wasn鈥檛 the same like before. It was really weird. I felt like it was forced or something. So I ended up breaking up with him. And he thought it was a good idea. Cuz I just started nursing school, and if we get into arguments or if he puts me through more drama鈥 don鈥檛 think I can keep writing emails and explain to him my reasons. And he said if its meant to be it will be. And randomly he would text me and ask if I wanted to have phone sex with him. Like how lame is that? We aren鈥檛 even dating anymore and he asks me that? I told him鈥m not some booty call. And he said its not even like that. and now we don鈥檛 even talk! He wants space so im giving him space.


I know I wrote a lot. And Idk who will actually read this. But I really need help. I feel like my whole llife is this one big knot and I just don鈥檛 know where to begin. School鈥y ex鈥 still care about him and I shouldn鈥檛. I know I deserve better. All my friends tell me to move on鈥ut I find it so hard. If he has moved on鈥?i don鈥檛 know how he did it. Its only been 2 months since we broke up鈥nd we were dating for 2 years! I just wish I died. I feel like he really broke me down.


I know Im tellin my life story鈥?but I need help! Maybe someone can give me ideas on how to move on?HOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAK UP...LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?
sighs* ...





first i wanna say.. take a deep breath! i've been in a heart wrecking tormenting, crying like crazy situation cuz of my LDR. all the hard effort, sleepless nights, avoiding ppl, friends/family, umaking nhealthy choices for myself... everything for him, and what? all went down the drain.





when i read ur entry it sounded so much like mine, and lemme tell u, i was with my dude for about 2 1//2 yrs and i've known him for 5yrs. he's my ex now.. but it's so hard cuz he still comes on my mind. and my guy left me for some other chick only cuz she was closer... and i wasted just like u not months but yrs! but i thought i was never gonna go on... while he was havin fun and meetin girls, i would be cryin at home, wishin we'd talk, or if i was goin through a rough time i would mourn cuz he wasn't around (on the phone) to comfort me with his words and voice. but as time went on, i avoid calling him, and that was real hard, but i felt if i called him, it would show that i had no self respect, and i didn't want him to think that cuz it's not true, but the only reason i wanted to call him was cuz i truly loved him and missed him so much. my ex excuse, he dont know how long it was gonna take until we actually were married and livin together (he was my fiance) and my folks as well as his knew about us. and he has been also my real and only bf of all time.





few things i wanna tell u, about LDR that i myself realized, is that no matter what, it is always some1's fault.. but not 100% it's the stupid LD shii, the time apart, and no physical touch that brings doubts in a person's mind. and no matter how strong that bond may be, sometimes 1 thing may go down and it brings both of u down, yet if u 2 r face to face, it goes down u talk about it, seeing each others expressions and u make up, eventually... but usually u r limited, if it was in ur will u 2 would see each other more often or live right next to each other, but circumstances cause u 2 to wait off for each other. usually the guy (same in my situation) turns impatient. and it becomes difficult, once they find temptation they get stuck, and rather get what's near than far. they can't see u upset, or angry, and etc.. so it's blocked from their mind and they see what's infront of them, not the good thing that's waiting for them. there's only so much we could do... to keep this LDR, especially waiting and holding off! but 1 person has to mess up (sometimes it just aint workin in general cuz of both) and then what? all ur hard effort is thrown away like trash. and that really hurts! but hurts more knowing they don't care, or that it doesn't matter too much to them, they go on better than us! and we end up tryin to save the relationship...





so this is what i learned, some choices to think of.





-try hard cuz he may be the best thing, if u love him... means more shii to urself.. more pain, more work!


-let go because if he is the1 he will return if he dont then it's his loss and f* c k him.. 1 man's ex is another man's treasure! (casual talk but barely there for him..once in a blue moon talk like hi bye.. too busy)


-being there for him, but havin it open, bein his friend, showin that u moved on.. (will make him so jealous) (best solution) showin no hurting feelings nothing!





or simply, actually the most difficult... stop all contact. vanish from his life, let him wonder, perhaps 1day he will mourn2?





best thing, if u really feel u can't live w/o talkin to him, and if he's still single, talk to him as a friend, show him ur happy (no matter how bad it hurts don't show it) and that u're live a gr8 life!





if he isn't single, let him be...





if u wanna move on w/o gettin hurt.. all im gonna say is it takes time.


keep urself busy, be with friends, and talk to ur friends all ur sad feelings dont keep em in, let em out when ever u have to.





peaceHOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAK UP...LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?
ok well its been a year since i had this breakup...yet i still think of him and miss him. hes actually dating the girl he cheated on me with. i heard their planning to have a engagement sometime in july. wtf! where is the justice in all this?! he cheated on me and hes getting the happily ever after

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Wow, the same thing just happened to me as well and I think you should really concentrate on other things to get over this. Staying at home will not help. I suggest you go out, maybe for a run. Your friends can definitely help you by taking you out shopping or even taking you out for a movie or bowling.





Eat Chocolates in the mean time as they will induce calmness in your heart and make you fill the void left by the guy.





Hope that helps