I'm usually the one to make people laugh and on Y/A I usually ask some ridiculous question about nothing but I thought for once I will post a question that was a little personal and maybe I could receive some good advice.
I'm having a hard time ending a relationship that hasn’t lasted very long because I'm afraid of having to deal with the whole after effects of breaking up. I guess I'm afraid of dealing with all the hurt that comes with breaking up with someone you love and I’m not prepared for that. So my question is - is there something I can do to ease the pain of dealing with a break up? Also I wanted to ask the question - since our relationship hasn’t lasted long (under a year) how do you know when to end it or try your hardest to work it out especially when your relationship is fairly new...do you wait or just let it go if things aren’t seeming to work out…like when do you know to walk away?
PS - I know I've professed to being married with 1 or 2 kids on here but unfortunately my real life is less interesting then NASB's...*laughs*
Cheers!How to deal with a break up?
There is some good advice from the four avatars above me. I need not add to that. Only, courage is a vital ingredient in your life at present.How to deal with a break up?
You gotta be cruel to be kind sometimes, it'll hurt but you both will get over it, if it's all gone Pete Tong in the first year, no point in dragging it out.
And stop professing or you'll end up looking like me
You go celebrate and meet someone new. Go have fun girl. Forget that person.
First, let me say how sorry I am to hear about you relationship problems. I know you'll have no problems bouncing back from this. Your a great girl.
Second, this explains a great deal. I often was confused by your parenting skills. Sometimes you had a boy, then 2 girls, then a boy and girl, triplets, siamese twins, and then I even thought you were the actual Octomom.
Thank goodness all of that was made up. I was starting to really be concerned with the children's well being. So, was all that backseat, beer spilling marital bliss all just a dream as well?
Well, I truly hope you'll find the right one. All those above me offered great advice. There is nothing more to add.
But, I do have ONE MAJOR concern. Please tell me the '; banana trick'; is real. I can deal with the fake marriage and made up children, but I do have my limits.
Hi NASB, sorry to hear this. Browneyze is pretty right in what she says - break ups are always hard to deal with whether they by 1 yr old or 100 yrs old but time does heal.
Sometimes it takes longer then others and that usually depends on the true depth of the relationship. Trying to keep occupied and busy is a way to help so that you don't sit constantly brooding. Having fun on here is one way :-)
Hope everything settles for you soon and, whatever happens, keep in touch with us all.
edit
Maggie: Weekend out? Party? Party? Did I hear the word 'party' again? As in jello, custard, panties...panties.... for sure. The car is on it's way.
*hugs* you know sweety I have been off the market for approaching a decade so my advice may be outdated, but for a friend like you, you will get the best I have.... now honestly when I was ';good'; at dumping people the mean truth is that cheating is the easiest way out and always provided me with closure. I think it was knowing that I had definately ended the relationship. I doubt it is good advice, but it definately did the trick for me!
Now I have seen so many people stay in ';bad'; relationships simply because they didn't want to walk before they had given it their all so they stayed and tried and worked and ended up dragging out the missery or finding that they now can't stand that person at all because they didn't change when they were giving the relationship their all. I am a firm believer that you don't have to make things work until you are well into the relationship and even at that if more time is spent trying to make it work than on a path of just being and it working then it is not where you want to be. The terain of a relationship has ups and downs, but it isn't a climb to the top of a mountain... it should be a mostly enjoyable hike through the hills with rivers of love and valleys of hard times and paths of discovery with those hard spots that require a little help. If you are having to really try and are really not happy then it is time to go.
From what I know of you, you are funny, smart, witty, caring and on top of it *smile* so break up in the most respectful way possible. Just be an adult and say ';this isn't working for me and I would like some time to myself outside of the relationship'; ';I would love to be friends if you are ambicle to that, but I respect your decisions and don't want to hurt you any more than what is necessary to end the relationship';. If you do this with honesty, integrety and being true to yourself then it still will not be easy, but you will know that you did what was right and that is always a comfort.
Now dump the dweeb and lets go bar hopping to find you a hot man because you are not a slut bucket!
sorry, but there is no correct way to answer you. we are all different. plus, every break up is caused by a million of possible reasons.
if your the dumpee, of course it is so much more difficult.
some of my g/f's will just get pissed off, go out drinking, and try to lay the hottest guy they can find
others will sit in their house for weeks eating pizza and ice cream, watching movies, and refusing to answer the phone
i try to combine the two. i take a couple of days off, binge a little on chips a hoy cookies, spend the next 2 days doing sit-ups, and then hitting the bar hoping to land the coolest guy.
but i'm willing to help you out in any way. $2 drink nights are my life
NASB,
I just saw this question, sorry I missed it. I'll give you my feelings on relationships and loving and you can decide if any of it is worth anything.
I've always been the type to take relationships to the deepest level they will go. To do everything I can to make them everything they're suppose to be and more. Because I do this, I have been devastated when any of them ended. I go through all the pain because I think there's only one way to love - completely. Anything less and you'll never know what you had. It hurts when it ends, but if you find the one that doesn't end, you'll have something everyone dreams of, and more than most can even understand.
So, as for this relationship you're in. If it's not the right one and you know that, you have to let go quickly. It's nothing more than a waste of time being in a relationship with someone who's not the right one. And as 'they' say, you close one door, another opens. If you think this could be something that can be really good, you have to explore that. The more it hurts when it ends, the more of yourself you gave to the relationship. And to me, that's what relationships are all about - giving all of ourselves to another person.
It's a bit early in the morning, so forgive me if my writing is not as eloquent as it could be. Hopefully you'll get what I'm trying to say anyway.
Now, sorry you think you're life isn't as 'interesting' as NASB's. Being married with kids is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. Neither is being a divorced dad. So be happy with what your life is. The things in our life don't make US interesting, we make them interesting.
Nasby, the aftermath is going to hurt no matter what. But do not prolong this, you obviously are not happy in this situation so don't let him get more and more attached to you, too. This should be in the forefront of your mind during that phase, to ease the pain...that you are doing it for his benefit too, even if he cannot see it at the time. He may have false hope that there is a future when you know in your heart you can't see yourself with him that way.
Also, having a torrid affair with the short hairy ugly fat boss should mess your life up so completely, breaking up with the boyfriend will seem like a walk in the park...
Dang it...sorry...I tried to remain serious...
Good luck, sweetie. xx
Hi, babe!
You sound all churned up and like you're having an ';out with the old, in with the new'; session in yourself. This is usually a good thing, of course, except - if I've got you right - you're not sure if ';old'; is actually old enough to be getting the boot yet. So you're in turmoil. Okay.
Now this relationship - I can't be sure from what you've said if you've grown bored with it or if you're actually into the guy but scared of losing him for whatever reason some way further down the line.
If it's the first, then it IS time to end it. You may like him - even love him, in a way - but if that spark isn't there for you then you need to let him go so you can both get over the ';grieving process'; one inevitably experiences at the end of a love affair - so that you can then, with a bit of luck, move on to become good friends.
Hurting someone by ending a relationship is certainly one of the most painful things I've ever had to do. Sounds like you're a bit of an emotional coward like me in that way, mate! I've dumped and been dumped and there's actually not a lot to choose between them. They both hurt like the f*ckin' devil. But we all survive.
Now, if it's the second option, however, that's trickier. I mean, if it's the case that you're scared of falling in love too deeply and winding up getting hurt yourself at a later date - and THAT's why you're thinking of jumping ship - then I'd say stop and think before doing anything you might regret. Love's a risky business. No guarantees. But if it's the real thing don't give it up lightly.
Well, NASBabe, I won't ramble on any more since I'm still not quite sure where we're at. And I reckon you'll get good advice from others here anyway. But I do hope things work out happily for you and I hope you'll keep us up to speed.
Much love
Lefty xx
Hi NASB
Well...sorry, Im running late today but it looks like you have gotten some wonderful advice here so far.
I don't have much to add.
When you know in your heart that things aren't working then its time to take action. You don't want to prolong your unhappiness.
There will be hurt no matter what. Its what you take with you as your learning experience. If you didnt hurt at least a little, then you didn't have much of a relationship.
So its ok, keep yourself busy....in fact...its Friday...
Scoundrel...can you send your driver to come around and pick everyone up?
I think its time we all go out and forget our troubles.
Plus ...we have a party this weekend....Ted and Courtney will be going away for a little while (not too long we hope)....
So lets get this party started...
Cheers xx
Yes Scoundy, this means even more panties...*wink*
Its never easy breaking up but in the end you will feel better that you don't have to hide it anymore. And then you take your best friends and go on a trip or do something for your self. I am sorry to hear things are not working out for you but that's what your friends are for. To love and support you when your feeling blue. If I were there I would take you out or just stay at your place and drink and pig out. Find a distraction. Going to the gym or something. But lieing to your self about your relationship will only make it harder. So its best to talk about it and if that's the route you go then its better that its ends sooner rather then later.
good luck hun and when you need a few laughs you can watch me and Maggie stand on our heads.....
Hi NASB,
My two cents worth here.
Being a former Naval Officer I had my share of ended relationships as I moved to the next post. I think a big factor was being able to visualize yourself with the person (and all their faults you were aware of) for the next 20 to 30 years. It kind of puts things in perspective. I had several girlfriends who were more about the party than the future, and the drama that came along with that attitude wore me out.
So,,. a case in point. I was dating a Canadian girl who was stunning, sexy, fun, but selfish, immature, and marginally faithless. Ofcourse, I was oblivious to this as I had what was known as ';Pu**y Brain';.
My roommate gave me a few words of wisdom to step back from it and decide if she was really the one. I decided that she wasn't ( there's more to the story of course...0.
When I started dating my wife, after I while I did the same thing, and things felt right. No formula, they just felt right and I could envision a long relationship.
So, Take a look at him with everything you know, and see if you can envision it. If not, say good bye and move on.
Cheers,
M
No comments:
Post a Comment